shelter ep

by Debutante

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Jennifer Wadforth
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Jennifer Wadforth Absolutely one of my favourite independent records, really fantastic Favorite track: shelter.
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an ep about growing up in a physically abusive household, validation and depression. written and recorded january to march 2015.


released March 26, 2015

all songs written by debutante.
mastering by sylphae.



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Debutante Zurich, Switzerland

statik, unwörter, hässliche leere.


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Track Name: mold
wedlock burying its sad children in the woods
never caught
never questioned
who would?

we dig them out
these vessels of flesh and blood
found holes punched in their backs
their skulls filled with static and mold

we showered them in kind words and love
but how fruitless these efforts were
one whimpered
"all your mending, your supposed help
it's piercing
it's crushing
it's too much
it hurts"

i never got what happened next
increasing noise
static ripped a skull apart
its splinters gnawed into my skin
i bled.

"say no more
we could just seal you away
theres noone to confide in
for the rest of your days"
Track Name: ein gespräch
die wärme deiner worte
die beherzte stimmung im saal
ich werde geschätzt
für jetzt bin ich endlich jemand
Track Name: shelter
my mother beat me so much as a kid
with cooking spoons, belts, coat hangers on a nigh-daily basis
it crushed my spine, it crushed my self esteem
and every time she locked me in the attic, i internalized all of it

so i grew up to be self-loathing
i grew up to be depressed
i grew up to spend entire weeks with my head buried in my hands

my father beat me aswell so he is no better at all
nowadays hes angry that we never seem to talk
'youre being too resentful. you should really move on'
well you never showed remorse or apologized at all
so i cannot

and i am envious of everyone growing up in a healthy environment
and i hate myself for not being over it after years
and how i lack the financial stability to move out
but most importantly i hate my mother and her spouse

"you're being overdramatic again."
i've always been a weakling
i guess it just can't be helped.